In the last few months, quite a few organisational leaders, HR leaders that we speak to, have been telling us about the need for building inclusive cultures. Inclusion which is not just being invited to the party, but being asked for a dance, is a fundamental component of human engagement. We work for 10 to 12 hours a day, wanting to make a difference, wanting to be heard and wanting in.
Social scientists believe that we have evolved to become social creatures, seeking inclusion, because hanging around together dramatically improved the odds of our ancestors' survival. Because the probability of our survival was so closely connected to the strength of our ties with others, it would make sense that we were, and are, especially sensitive to our social standing. If you're with the 'in-crowd,' you're in the cave when the nocturnal hunters are on the prowl. If you're 'out', you may die. That's why social rejection is so powerful. No surprise, then, that people are very badly affected when excluded. Study after study shows this. People who are socially excluded report lowered self-esteem, a reduced sense of meaning-in-life and high levels of stress. Also, people who are excluded become highly attentive to social cues.
A lot of organisations are beginning to recognise this and focus on assessing and creating strategies for working around conscious and unconscious biases. While this is important, I find that a more fundamental building block for inclusion, that is often missed - is around improving Capacity to Listen.
"Listening is not done by the ears, but the mind. We hear sounds, but we listen to meanings" - W. Meissner
All of us have such a deep anxiety to be heard that we don't see ourselves drowning out the voices of the other. Even if we keep quiet long enough for the other, it is to rehearse what we will say next. To suspend judgement while listening is a fundamental capability to build leadership capability around inclusive cultures. Leadership competency models stress on
"Impactful communication" (too often confused with impactful speaking) whereas our lived-in experience may lead us to understand that the people who made the biggest difference in our lives were those who were listening to us. Deeply and without judgement.
Today is Ganesh Chaturthi and one of the metaphors associated with the elephant-headed God is His big ears. He listens. So here's is my prayer today - After decades of speaking more than I listen, I want to be the last to speak.
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